There are many ways in which we experience darkness in our spiritual practice. Darkness is the balance of light. Without one we would not have the other. We celebrate the dark times of the year such as Samhain, just as we celebrate the light of Yule. I am not speaking of the darkness that comes with clinical depression or anxiety. Those should always be discussed with a mental health professional. I am speaking of the times where we can no longer hear the voices of the Divine. We may feel a great disconnect between ourselves and the universe. Our questions or pleas may seem to fall on deaf ears. These may be the times where we question our own spiritual practice. Along my path of spiritual discovery I have created a toolbox of practices that help me to reconnect with the God/Goddess. Speaking with your spiritual mentor and sharing your struggles will take away any feelings of isolation. Through journeying, experiencing nature, cultivating joy, meditating or even just expressing gratitude, I have found ways to bridge the silence and reconnect with the light.
The first step to connect with the Divine is to do a journey. I will ask my spirit guides to lead me where I need to go. This can be more productive than seeking out a specific place or deity. The God/Goddess you have been trying to reach out to may not be the one that you need to speak to. If I am trying to connect to Brigit, but I can not feel her presence, it could be that another God/Goddess needs to speak to me. This may be the only step you need to be reconnected. You were merely trying to dial the wrong number. However sometimes I find myself unable to journey or to hear the messages being sent.
If I am unable to journey to ask the Divine for guidance my next step will be to bring my practice outside. The feel of the sun on your skin or the grass underneath your feet will remind you that the Divine is immanent. You can see them in the drops of dew on the grass and hear them in the songs of the birds. Their caresses can be felt on the wind. Just sitting in nature can instantly link you into the voices of the universe and reconnect you with Divine energy. By sitting under the umbrella of a tree you are linking yourself with its energy, which is also the energy of the Divine. If you take the time to stop and listen, you may hear their voices in the rustling of the leaves or the trickling of a stream.
Another way I try to connect with the God/Goddess is by cultivating joy. When we experience love or joy it opens our hearts and connects us with the universe. It can be anything that makes your heart sing. You can paint, sing, write poetry, drum, or have a meal with loved ones whatever brings you joy. By immersing ourselves in feelings of love and happiness we are experiencing the Divine. All of our senses are able to feel the presence of Divine. It is in the softness of a favorite blanket or the scent of freshly brewed coffee. Whatever we need to take our focus out of our heads and into our hearts.
There are times when being in nature and finding joy do not pierce the darkness that I feel surrounding me. The harder it is to connect to the divine the further away the light may seem. In these times I will go back to the basics of meditation. Even in a few minutes of meditation you may be able to quiet your mind and hear the voice of the universe. I have found myself begging and pleading to the Goddess for just a small sign that she can hear me. Then suddenly in a moment of silence I will be reminded that you need to take the time to listen if you wish to hear their replies.
In the darkest of times I am not even able to meditate. It seems as though I am absolutely alone. This is when I reach for gratitude. Each night, even if I can not find the energy to do anything else, I will light a candle to express my gratitude for all of the abundance in my life. There is always something we can be thankful for. Even if it is the simplest of things. This seems like such a small task, it does not take a lot of time, but it allows us to shift our focus from the things we feel we are lacking to the gifts we have been given.
Even with all these tools to connect to the God/Goddess there will be times where the only way to the find the light is to move through the darkness. Sometimes we need to let the darkness envelope us. I have also found the same to be true with pain and grief. We need to move with the waters of the river rather than fighting the current. Being enfolded by darkness can show us where the Divine truly lives. Letting the darkness surround us we are able to move inwards. In complete darkness we are aware of a flame. It may seem small at first, but the longer we spend with that flame the larger it grows. That flame is the spark of the divine that is inside us. When we connect with the flame that is within us we are linked directly to the energy of the Divine. We are freed from needing any outside confirmation of the Divine. Faith in the Divine becomes faith in the light withing us. In Doreen Valiente’s The Charge of the Goddess we are told
“And thou who thinkest to seek for me. Know thy seeking and yearning shall avail thee not, unless thou know this mystery: that if that which you seekest thou findest not within thee, thou wilt never find it without thee.”
There may be days and nights throughout your spiritual journey in which you can no longer feel the presence of the divine. We have many tools in our practice that can help us reconnect with the God and Goddess. We can go on journeys, spend time in nature, cultivate joy, meditate and express our gratitude. To reconnect to the Divine I have discovered that sometimes it is necessary to let the darkness embrace you and lead you to the one place you can always find a connection to the God/Goddess. In the deepest parts of yourself.
Sitting in Darkness
I have sat in silence and in darkness.
Surrounded by tendrils of despair.
Shame stifling my voice,
Doubts ringing in my ears.
Detached from the sight of divinity.
My heart cries out to the Goddess.
I feel only emptiness in response.
In time, the darkness begins to shift.
Transforming the tendrils of darkness
into all encompassing wings of ebony feathers.
As I allow them to enfold me in their embrace,
I sink in to my self.
Moving deep into the inner wells.
I begin to see the reflection of the stars,
Small sparks of the divine.
Here I find the light of the Goddess.
Here I hear the voice of the Gods.
Always within me,
I only need to close my eyes to see.
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